WordPress Daily Prompt: "Tell us your funniest relationship disaster story."
I was the eldest of 3 daughters growing up in a very conservative home and time. My mother was a traditional Afrikaans woman who never, ever spoke to us about sex! I really had no clue. Needless to say some years later my first sexual encounter was also the first time I had ever seen a penis. Ever. I had some idea of what it looked like from a book that my mother had stashed away in the privacy of her bedroom; the book consisted of crude sketches of sexual positions. That was my entire sexual education right there.
After I had been introduced to the mighty penis he invited me to keep him company while he took a bath. I remember it being a cold winter that year. So, I sat down on the toilet seat while he bathed, casually chatting and feeling very adult about it all; somewhat smug even as I was now a ‘woman’ and had so much to tell my two uninformed younger sisters. To say that I felt superior in that moment would be about right. I had discovered the penis in spite of the secrecy surrounding it in our conservative upbringing.
Predictably, my eyes wandered until they rested on his manhood. This fascinatingly mysterious organ that had never been discussed or seen in our all-girl household. I wanted to see it again in all its proud glory. What I saw instead was a shrivelled up little thing that sent a blood-curdling scream through me in fear that he had somehow lost or damaged it! I was mortified! Deeply concerned about his wellbeing I explained the reason for my shock. I cannot remember exactly what happened next but I do remember him laughing loudly, even when his face was underwater, bubbles everywhere. I was concerned about his lost manhood and he was almost drowning with laughter! Confusion reigned for a few moments until he calmed down long enough to explain.
With embarrassment I learnt that penises could not realistically always look the way his did the first time I saw it, he was aroused after all. If they did men would permanently be walking around with tentpoles in their pants. I decided not to include this embarrassing little detail when I later recalled my first penis experience to my admiring sisters. 😉